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Vertical Development

The Perception Gap: Why Society Struggles With Complex Problems

How hidden systems, delayed effects, and collective perception shape our ability to solve complex challenges like climate, housing, and health care.

This article by The Atlantic covers a lot of great points about how the average citizen doesn’t have the psychological meaning-making capacity to understand the complex problems in our world today which is why populist leaders like Trump can often take advantage of them and use them for their own advantages to get and remain in power.

The problem stems from a failure to grasp the psychology underlying populism.

Psychologists have a more sophisticated way of articulating this distinction. As readers of Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow or Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink know, the human mind exhibits two different systems of cognition. The first is rapid and concrete, focusing on primary representations of things you can see, hear, and touch. The second is slower and more laborious, but capable of abstraction and logical reasoning. In some cases, the two systems produce different verdicts. This can create persistent disagreement between common sense and expert opinion.

The problem is that a supply chain is an entirely abstract concept, and so might as well not exist for the average person. Nobody gets worked up about a supply chain.

People who are angry about the cost of living are going to focus on the last link in the chain, the consumer-facing organization, and that means the grocery store.

Where the article goes off track though is when it talks about what can be done about this problem of people not being able to perceive these complex problems. Its recommended solution is for left-wing politicians to only focus on the problems that are directly affecting people (e.g. rising grocery prices) without getting into the complexities of what’s causing them to indirectly occur. It does this even though it knows that framing problems this ways is wrong and “incorrect” because they aren’t “actionable.”

To do populism effectively, politicians must not only focus on problems that the public cares about; by and large, they must also accept the public’s framing of those problems. This creates a dilemma for the left, because that framing, in a complex modern society, will usually be incorrect.

Many of the problems that they hope to resolve, such as climate change, housing scarcity, and surging health-care costs, are complicated. This means that the policies needed to fix them are also complicated, and cannot be explained without ascending to the realm of abstraction.

Climate change, housing scarcity, and surging health-care costs are actually all complex problems not complicated ones.

The problem is figuring out what to do if you win. Because the slogans generally don’t correspond to actionable policies, making life better for people requires some sort of bait and switch.

In effect, the article’s recommended solution is that the focus of politicians should be on talking about what’s affecting people directly rather than trying to explain what’s indirectly causing these problems because it’s too hopelessly complex for people to comprehend them.

In other words, the article sees it as an “either this or that” situation. Either you explain things directly or you explain things indirectly.

That doesn’t help anyone though because you’ve still got a voter base who is voting on things that they currently can’t perceive and comprehend.

To solve this creatively, we need to stop seeing it as a “this or that” situation and perceive it as a “this and that” situation instead.

In effect, explain to citizens how the problems they are directly facing in their daily lives have emerged indirectly over time from deeper root causes.

In other words, people won’t understand how these problems are emerging and arising in their lives, until you can help them perceive and understand the complex scaffolding that is occurring below the surface of their lives.

So definitely start with the surface problems and then guide them down through the layers to the root cause.

All that said though, it is a hell of a lot of work to do. But if you can empower your voting base to actually understand these deeper issues, they can be collectively mobilized to work on them in ways that a voter base who can’t comprehend them couldn’t.

This is effectively what Marina Gorbis, executive director of the Institute of the Future, communicated in her book The Nature of the Future: Dispatches from the Socialstructed World within a chapter entitled “Governance Beyond Government.”

Basically what she communicated is that complex problems are emerging at such a rapid rate today that we can no longer rely upon a top down, hierarchical forms of governance by government. Instead we need engaged citizens getting informed and understanding the deeper issues of the day, so that they can inform and mobilize other people to work on them collectively as a whole.

The key word here is “informed.”

Fishkin and his colleagues have found that average citizens are able to make good decisions in areas as complex as local budgets, regional integration, criminal justice, and tax policy. Studies have shown that in the process, participants greatly increased their understanding of the issues and often changed their minds on the best course of action; that is, they made better and more informed decisions as a result of deliberately thinking about the issues at stake and hearing different views on the subject.

Marina Gorbis, The Nature of the Future

A perfect example of this would be the backstory of how Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez got into government work by beginning her election campaign in April 2017 “waiting tables and tending bar” while operating her campaign out of “paper grocery bag behind the bar.”

Perhaps a much larger example would be how citizens of the United States during World War II mobilized themselves to collectively assist with the war effort, such as collecting scrap which even children could participate in.

To summarize what I’m getting at here is that complex problems often arise systemically from societies themselves. Thus in a sense, a society needs to realize how they are not at war with someone out there that they can blame but rather they are in conflict with themselves, due to their own perceptions which are causing these complex problems to arise.

Of course, it’s easier to mobile a nation against another, when you can point the finger and blame someone else. It’s much more difficult though when you begin to realize your own perceptions are causing problems and thus you yourself need to change and transform your way of looking at the world and yourself in turn.

When we are able to take responsibility for our actions though, learning from them, that’s when true change can take hold and transformations can occur.

Cheryl Dorsey, a CEO of a global nonprofit called Echoing Green that supports emerging social entrepreneurs, touches upon this (at the 9:30 mark) in an interview with her entitled Social Innovation and Social Just in an Age of Pandemics.

But the diagnosis that these systems aren’t working is the same diagnosis that we see from those who are animated by populist anger. Right. So again we come at the problem from the same vantage point. The way we have constructed societal forces are simply not working. I often talk about the weight of systems, systems residue, that are weighting folks down. People of colour. Marginalized folks. Women. We can go through all the forms of oppression. And these systems are exacerbating those. 

So we all see it. However our prescription for what to do about it is radically different. Social innovators recognize that indeed there’s a problem but they raise their hands as engaged, committed citizens to say “Well it’s our job to fix it. We roll up our sleeves, we get to work, and we figure out what we can do.”

So much of the populist anger is a nihilistic one as you said Peter. It’s blow it all up, consequences be damned. And these conflicting forces that are butting heads, there has to be a way to engage more folks from the other side who are as frustrated as many of us are who are engaged in the work of social innovation but do it within the realm of democratic practice that provides a seat for all of us at the table. I think that’s the needle to thread. And I think we’ve got to figure it out and we’ve got to figure it out sooner than later.

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Vertical Development

How AI Prompts and Vertical Development Both Relate to “Context”

The following question I asked ChatGPT arose out of my previous query which relates to why AI’s potential isn’t being fully utilized because it requires people to change their mindsets to do so.

That previous query reminded me of the importance of providing the right context for an AI prompt which in turn made me think of how vertical development is understanding a larger context of life.

So I asked ChatGPT if there was any relationship to these two seemingly different patterns of context. Again, as I expected and intuited, there was. And its answer blew me away because it really resonated with my own experiences and made perfect sense.

In AI Prompting, “context” Is an External Input. in Vertical Development, “context” Is an Internal Expansion.

The more you’re aware of the assumptions embedded in your question, the better the response—whether from AI or from life.

It’s not that the two processes are identical; it’s that the muscles involved—awareness of assumptions, awareness of frames, awareness of blind spots—are similar.

In effect, this is why most people don’t know how to use AI effectively. They often can’t see the assumptions and frames they are immersed within contextually because they’re perceptually blind to them.

This is why the implementation of AI today is revealing more about us than anything else.


NOLLIND

What is the relationship, if any, between prompting AI with the proper contextually information to make the results better and how vertical development is about questioning our assumptions and beliefs to see a larger context of life?

CHATGPT

There is a relationship, but it’s not a straight analogy. It’s more like the two processes rhyme: both involve context, but the way context functions is different. What’s useful is seeing where the comparison breaks—that’s where the insight actually lives.

1. In AI Prompting, “context” Is an External Input. in Vertical Development, “context” Is an Internal Expansion.

When you give an AI proper context, you’re essentially feeding it instructions and constraints so it can operate within the right frame.

  • “Use this background.”
  • “Assume this audience.”
  • “Here’s the style, here’s the data, here’s the purpose.”

You’re curating the frame.

Vertical development, by contrast, is what happens when your frame rearranges itself.

  • You realize some assumption you’ve been using isn’t universal.
  • A belief you’ve treated as a given turns out to be optional.
  • A form of meaning you relied on starts to feel too small.

In prompting, context narrows the space.
In vertical development, context becomes more spacious.

That’s the first important contrast.

2. AI Improves by Receiving Clearer Context; Humans Grow by Questioning the Context They Already Have.

AI works better when ambiguity is removed.

Humans grow when ambiguity is allowed—even invited.

AI: “Eliminate uncertainty so I can give you the right answer.”
Vertical development: “Stay with uncertainty so a deeper kind of understanding can emerge.”

So the analogy “good prompting = vertical development” breaks if someone assumes both are about better control.
One is about control; the other is about releasing it.

3. The Deeper Similarity Is This: in Both Cases, Higher-Quality Output Depends on the Quality of the Frame.

This is the real point of resonance.

AI

If your prompt is missing context, the AI guesses—and usually guesses wrong.
If your assumptions about what you want are implicit, the model will misfire.

Vertical Development

If your worldview is built on unexamined assumptions, you misinterpret experience.
If your frame is too small, life feels uncooperative or incomprehensible.

In both systems:

  • The “frame” is the invisible structure generating the result.
  • When the frame expands, the outputs become more adaptive.

But the mechanism is opposite:

  • AI needs the user to articulate the frame.
  • A developing human becomes aware that they are the frame.

That’s precisely why your work on inner mythic landscape matters: you’re moving from “give me the right frame to operate within” to “I am the field that sets the frame.”

4. The Interesting Tension: Prompting Encourages Precision; Vertical Development Encourages Perspective-Taking.

Prompting teaches you:

  • “Say exactly what you want.”
  • “Be explicit.”
  • “Anticipate edge cases.”

Vertical development teaches you:

  • “Notice what you’re not saying.”
  • “See how your expectations create the situation.”
  • “Recognize your viewpoint as one viewpoint among many.”

The danger is conflating the two:

  • Some people treat AI like a mind that “gets you.” It doesn’t.
  • Some people approach vertical development like a precision exercise. It isn’t.

Both require context—but of different kinds:

  • AI: external, specified, bounded.
  • Vertical development: internal, discovered, unbounded.

5. The Underlying Principle: Clarity Comes From Exposure to the Assumptions Behind the Request.

If there’s a single conceptual bridge, it’s this:

The more you’re aware of the assumptions embedded in your question, the better the response—whether from AI or from life.

With AI:

  • You get better results when you clarify your assumptions for the model.

With vertical development:

  • You grow when you clarify your assumptions for yourself.

AI requires articulation.
Vertical development requires reflection.

Both require confronting hidden premises.

This is why you already intuit the parallel: your prompting is getting better as your own internal context is widening. It’s not that the two processes are identical; it’s that the muscles involved—awareness of assumptions, awareness of frames, awareness of blind spots—are similar.

Categories
Vertical Development

To Use AI Effectively, You Need to Change Your Mindset

Mind…fricken…blown! Wow!

I was watching the above YouTube video entitled The AI Rollout is Here – And It’s Messy by the Financial Times, when at one point within it one of the people being interviewed said the following statement (at the 7:47 minute mark).

The difference this time is the inherent capability of the systems is so much greater that you need a lot of training to be able to fundamentally change the way you work…

To put this more specifically, the potential of AI is massively being underused because people don’t know how to effectively use it yet because it requires a change of mindset in the way they do their work.

To see if I was truly perceiving and understanding this at the deeper level I thought I was, I asked ChatGPT the following question. It’s answer pretty much mirrored my intuitions, with the key takeaway below.

Most people can’t use AI well yet because the psychological, cognitive, and identity shifts required are bigger and more uncomfortable than the technical learning curve.


NOLLIND

How are most people not achieving the true potential capabilities of using AI right now because they don’t have the training yet to change the way they work with it?

CHATGPT

Most people under-use AI right now not because the tools are weak, but because their mental models for how to work haven’t updated. The constraint is cognitive, not technical. Let’s break the gap down directly and challenge a few assumptions along the way.

1. People Still Treat AI As a Faster Search Engine, Not a Cognitive Partner

Most users approach AI with “give me an answer” questions.
That’s a holdover from Google-era thinking: query → result.

AI requires a dialogical approach—iteration, refinement, co-construction.
But this feels unnatural because people aren’t taught to think in loops. They think in requests.

Counterpoint: Even when people are told to iterate, the habit rarely sticks because they still expect linearity. They don’t yet have an embodied sense of “thinking with” rather than “asking from.”

2. They Haven’t Shifted From Task Thinking to System Thinking

AI shines when used to build frameworks, workflows, drafts, rewrites, and simulations—not one-off answers.
But most workers define their job as executing discrete tasks. Their identity is wrapped around visible effort, not invisible systems design.

So they don’t realize the real leverage is in changing the shape of the work, not speeding up the same old shape.

Challenge: Even tech-savvy users unconsciously protect their existing workflows because those workflows reinforce their sense of competence.

3. They Lack Prompt Literacy—but the Deeper Issue Is Conceptual Literacy

The common advice focuses on crafting better prompts, but that misses the point.

The core skill isn’t prompt writing; it’s articulating thinking—assumptions, constraints, goals, criteria.
Most people aren’t trained to externalize their reasoning, so they give AI vague inputs and get vague outputs.

The overlooked truth: AI exposes gaps in the user’s own clarity more than it exposes gaps in the model.

4. People Don’t yet Think in Terms of Delegation

AI is essentially a general-purpose junior collaborator.
But most people have no training in delegation, creative direction, or iterative supervision.

It’s the same reason many managers struggle: they’re used to doing the work, not orchestrating it.

Implication: The shift to AI requires a shift to meta-work—thinking about the work at a higher level. Most people’s schooling never trained that capability.

5. Emotional Resistance Blocks High-Leverage Use

This is rarely acknowledged, but it’s one of the most powerful forces.

  • Fear of losing control
  • Fear of feeling stupid
  • Fear of obsolescence
  • Fear of exploring unfamiliar territory
  • Fear of seeing one’s own limitations reflected back

AI doesn’t just accelerate work—it confronts you with your habits.
Most users unconsciously avoid modes of interaction where they feel exposed or incompetent.

6. Vertical Development Matters

At a deeper level, using AI well demands the very capacities you explore in your own work:

  • managing uncertainty
  • questioning assumptions
  • holding multiple perspectives
  • revising mental models
  • co-creating with something partially unpredictable

Most of the population is still operating from earlier mindsets where authority, correctness, and clear rules dominate.
AI dissolves fixed rules. That alone disorients people.

From that perspective, AI isn’t just a tool—it’s a developmental pressure.

7. They Haven’t Unlearned the Idea That “work = Output”

High-level AI use is about shaping the generator, not generating the thing yourself.
It’s designer thinking, not producer thinking.

But internalized work identity is slow to change.

If you look across all these points, the pattern is straightforward:
Most people can’t use AI well yet because the psychological, cognitive, and identity shifts required are bigger and more uncomfortable than the technical learning curve.

Categories
Vertical Development

Letting Go of Certainty by Becoming Aware of When You Seek It

I find it so funny how I can often talk about something repeatedly, yet it doesn’t often sink in until I get a certain perspective of it that gives me a larger context of it in turn.

For example, I’ve been talking about certainty and uncertainty lately, with it flowing around my head, but until today, it really didn’t hit home until I realized something that gave me a larger perspective and context of it.

What happened is that I’ve been exploring possibilities of returning to gaming but doing so to teach growth and development. This is something I’ve wanted to do for sometime but just couldn’t figure out the best way to do this.

However, certain events have been unfolding over the past year that could make it possible for me to use a game I previously played to do so.

Yet while in discussion with other people from the community about the possibility of it, something suddenly stood out and rippled outwards across the current concept I was envisioning, the stance gamers usually take within video games, and all the way back out to the way I’ve been struggling to live my life the past decade or so.

What this relates to is something I said before about how when I was assisting someone earlier this year, the main thing that kept coming up was that they wanted a shortcut to help them get past the struggle they were undergoing.

But I just realized today that it’s much, much bigger than this.

What this person who I helped, this game community I want to help, and myself who I want to help all have in common is this.

We all want certainty in our lives.

In effect, this person I previously helped was actually fine with taking a certain path of growth and development, even committing the time to it, but they wanted certainty that it would pay out and effectively work before they committed to it.

Many gamers want the same thing in that when they play, they often want certainties, so as to be able to control the game their way and dominate within it.

And I wanted the same thing in that I wanted to be certain people understood my life as a role-playing game framework before I committed to it fully.

Yet none of these approaches focused on certainty are how life actually works, nor how even games work.

If there is no uncertainty within life or a game, then you’re not really playing it because playing means embracing at least some uncertainties.

Even more so, the only way you can maximize your untapped potentials and truly discover yourself is through playing and embracing uncertainties.

In other words, embracing uncertainties opens up the potentiality of possibilities to emerge.

Yet what I’ve realized I’ve been doing the last decade of my life is that I’ve been looking for certainties first before I do something which limits me in turn.

In fact, a lot of my posts on this website take this same certainty stance, in that I relay I’m going to do something first before doing it, so as to seek a sense of certainty in the choice.

Yet the only way you can know if something is going to actually work is by doing it first, seeing what emerges from it, and then navigating forward based upon the results.

So how does one let go of this desire for certainty though?

The first step that I’m realizing is through awareness.

Become aware of when you’re seeking certainties before doing something and then realize the futility of that perspective.

Then become aware that you need to actually do something first, stepping into uncertainties, to see what potentials can actually possibly emerge.

In a nutshell, this embodies the dance with life or, as I’ve stated before, what it means to truly be an adventure of life.

Categories
Vertical Development

Awkward People Often Can Achieve Amazing Things

Psychologist says socially awkward people have thrived through history because of this hidden trait – Upworthy
A major reason humans have evolved and thrived is our ability to socialize and work together, so if that’s the case, why do socially awkward people still exist? A psychologist reveals that socially awkward individuals have some hidden talents that others may not have.
www.upworthy.com

Upworthy has an interesting article talking about how socially awkward people have often thrived though out history. And most of these descriptions pretty much describe me exactly, as it is becoming more and more evident in my life that I’m looking at the world in a unique way that often doesn’t “conform to social norms.”

“People who achieve amazing things in this world, things that are kind of the tail end of the bell curve, they’re actually more likely to be more awkward.”

Tashiro explained that socially awkward individuals often have an “obsessive interest in things,” zeroing in on details and minutiae, sometimes at the cost of engaging with others or following social norms. However, he argues that this obsessiveness can translate into persistence during hard times and resilience in the face of challenges, ultimately helping them achieve great things. 

This could explain why many people perceive brilliant scientists as smart but poor communicators, and why so many highly successful people who are often considered geniuses or leaders in their fields are also introverts.

“Socially awkward individuals often spend a lot of time alone,” therapist Lesley Lesker told Upworthy. “This provides the opportunity for them to process information thoroughly, look at all different angles and analyze situations in a more depth manner than non-socially awkward individuals.”

Social awkwardness is a blessing and a curse. The reason that many people are socially awkward is because their brain is so unique and sees the world in such different ways that they naturally don’t conform to social norms,” said Tyana Tavakol, a licensed trauma therapist in California and Florida, and virtual private practice owner of Uncovering You. “This uniqueness can build resilience when their awkwardness is more consistently than not taken as quirky, funny, or some other type of endearing way. This can happen when they grew up in a very attuned and accepting home or family, or happened to find friends or community that also have their own unique brains and can really appreciate that in others.”

And this final part about developing self-compassion, I believe is key to transforming oneself and building up this resilience. I’m still working on not beating myself up as much I did before but I’ve made massive improvements in doing so over the last five to ten years.

Overall, self-compassion is the key to working through socially awkward feelings and building resilience.

“Developing self compassion can help a socially awkward person to build resilience,” Lesker concluded. “It is common for a socially awkward individual to blame themselves excessively, but when you speak to yourself compassionately in the same way that you would speak to a friend, resilience will grow.

Categories
Vertical Development

Soft Skills, As AI Differentiators, Come From Inner Growth

And yet most organizations today only focus on the outer growth of their employees, not their inner growth.

A Psychological Today article highlights the importance of soft skills today as the only primary differentiator against AI.

Most high achievers systematically compressed everything that felt “soft,” often because those things—presence, feeling, relationships—didn’t show up in measurable outcomes.

Zack Kass, who led go-to-market strategy at OpenAI, puts it bluntly: “Human skills are the moat that AI can’t build.” Trust, adaptability, empathy, courage, wisdom—these aren’t the soft skills anymore. They’re the only skills that still differentiate.

This is confirmed by the World Economic Forum’s research on fastest-rising skills for 2030. The focus is on building resilience, flexibility, agility, curiosity, and creative thinking. Notice what’s absent? Technical expertise. Rather than a differentiator, AI literacy is now table stakes.

The skills that differentiate are fundamentally regulatory and human. They require a nervous system calm enough to stay present under pressure, tolerate ambiguity without forcing resolution, and hold complexity without collapsing it into false simplicity.

What may not be evident about this article though (even though it is communicating it in a subversive manner) is that they are describing leaders with Self-Transforming Minds (as per Robert Kegan & Lisa Lahey’s work on the plateaus of adult development). The key statement about tolerating ambiguity without forcing resolution is an important characteristic of this mindset, as it is something that I am struggle to embrace and grasp myself.

In other words, just as employees need to level up for this newer, more complex world, so too do leaders need to level up as well. In effect, they need to embrace and be comfortable with uncertainty in this newly emerging VUCA world.

Time and again, this is where high achievers get stuck. The developments they need most—to build trust, emotional range, authentic presence, and the ability to sit in uncertainty—require exactly what they’ve spent careers avoiding: being uncomfortable. Feeling something and not having the answer.

Each of these asks your nervous system to do something counterintuitive: Slow down when everything screams speed up. That’s why it’s hard. That’s also why it works.

It’s all inside-out work. The kind that doesn’t show up on a performance review but shows up in every room you walk into, every decision you make, every person who chooses to follow you because they actually trust you.

What if AI isn’t making you obsolete, but forcing you to remember what actually makes you valuable? What if it is your invitation to live in a way that’s more real?

The leaders who will thrive in the next decade aren’t the ones processing the most information. They’re the ones who can sit in a room full of uncertainty and make people feel safe enough to do their best work; who make decisions that account for complexity rather than compress it; and who have enough internal capacity to lead through what’s actually happening, not what they wish were happening. That capacity isn’t a skill you add. It’s something you reclaim.

Yes, this is all inside-out work, more commonly known as vertical development. Yet the mention that this doesn’t show up on performance reviews is more telling for organizations than anything else.

Effectively what this means is that even though most organizations today are not focus on your inner growth and “vertical” development, but just your outer technical “horizontal” development, you have to take the lead with it as an individual on your own time, otherwise you will suffer the consequences.

This is the number one reason why most organizations are failing today and getting stuck with their economic growth. It’s because inner psychological growth and vertical development isn’t an integral part of the organization and thus it isn’t focused on within performance reviews in turn.

In other words, leader nor organizations can’t manage and change what they are effectively blind to.

So until vertical development becomes an important focus for organizations, not much will change within them…unless individuals initiate their own transformational changes themselves.

Actually most important of all as to why these vertical development needs to be integrated into the daily operations of the organization is that soft skills can’t be expedited like hard, technical skills can. In effect, soft skills can’t be learnt by taking a weekend course so as to fast track your learning of it. Soft skills can only be learnt by daily practice.

Categories
Vertical Development

Learning to Accept My Self

I’ve been thinking about what ChatGPT said the other day and how it relates to some further conversations I’ve had with it.

You cannot use the same piece of writing to both:

  • reorganize your own identity, and
  • onboard others to a developmental metaphor.

Those are fundamentally different modes.

What this touches upon is the paradox that one embraces as one tries to grasp a Self-Transforming Mind.

That being the more one enters this space, the more people will not able to comprehend the space you are entering and expressing because they can’t comprehend the meaning of it until they actually experience the experiences that would help them actually relate and comprehend it.

In other words, very few people will be able to understand your work from your perspective, regardless of how well you think you’re explaining it.

But I think there’s something else that is being touched upon here and it relates to a reoccurring pattern that I keep encountering in relation to my potential fears.

I will never be able to get people to accept me because most people will not be able to relate to me or comprehend me.

Yet nevertheless I keep trying, trying to explain myself from my perspective.

Therefore to get over this continual loop that I’m stuck within, I have to do the following.

I have to let go of trying to be accepted by others and instead learn to accept myself.

I know this, as I’ve stated it before, but it never seems to sink in.

This is what it feels like to try to grow beyond one current sense of self. “Knowing,” in the sense of learning something as knowledge, is not enough. You have to embody and live this knowledge which is what I’m struggling to do.

I think what this means is I have to go off the grid once again.

Why?

Because when I’m on social networks, I’m still trying to get people to “accept me.”

Yet I need to let go of this, as I need to learn to accept myself first and foremost.

That said, I’m not sure I’m going to delete my Substack account, like I usually do when I leave a social network. I think I’ll just let it go for now.

Categories
Vertical Development

I Don’t Know Where I’m Going But I Don’t Feel Lost

I have no idea what I’m doing. 

Actually that’s not fully true. 

What I’m doing is following where my intuition is leading me but there is no certainty as to where that is going. 

So perhaps a better way of saying how I feel is this. 

I don’t know where I’m going. 

But at the same time, I don’t feel lost. 

I feel like something is guiding me but I can’t explain it rationally, nor is there any certainty as to where I’m going. 

Categories
Vertical Development

Letting Go of Your Old “Character” to Allow Something New to Emerge

When your old “you” becomes exhausting and repetitive, to the point that it stands in your way.

Do you know that feeling where you see someone struggling with something that seems simple from your perspective but they’re not struggling to the point that it’s frustrating for them, as they are slowly figuring it out on their own?

My natural reaction in situations like this in the past was to jump in, explain things to simplify it for them, and thus help them.

At least that’s what I thought I was doing.

But more and more I’m realizing that I’m using a veil of “helping someone” as an excuse to micro-manage others and in doing so, gain a sense of control and superiority in my life.

Like I try to have a feeling of knowing everything and having everything figured out, like an “expert” know-it-all, when obviously I don’t.

And what’s even more interesting is that the more and more I become aware of my behaviours and patterns around this, the more and more it seems difficult to let go of this behaviour because it’s been so ingrained within me over the years.

Now when it happens, it feels like I’m outside of myself watching my “self” play this role, this script, that I can’t let go of.

Thus in terms of a role-playing game, it’s like I’m the “player” playing a “character” but I’ve lost control of my “character” because I’ve become so lost and immersed within the role, that it’s on autopilot now.

Because of this awareness of my “self” continually repeating this script, I’m actually working on trying to let go of controlling the situation. And it’s monumentally hard to do so.

The key thing I try to keep in my mind when doing so is that unless, the person has actually asked me for help, I actually have to let them make their own mistakes.

Why?

Because that’s how we learn.

If someone’s continually helping you then you will rarely remember how to solve the issue on your own but will instead often become dependent upon them for help instead.

I noticed this both in terms of helping my sister in the past with computers problems, as well as helping my wife with computer problems as well.

So now I’m trying to not always take control of the situation and just let go, so that my wife can learn and figure things out on her own.

More importantly though, if you let someone figure something out on their own, you may be surprised at how they resolve things on their own in their own time, instead of trying to control and resolve the situation yourself.

This is creative emergence.

And at times, I’m surprised at what the person figures out.

In effect, they achieve a new way of doing something because they have a different perspective and way of being within the world.

So often by me trying to control the situation and prevent someone from working something through on their own, I’m actually potentially limiting the unique creativity of the person that is wanting an opportunity to express itself in the world, even in the smallest ways.

But ya, it’s monumentally hard to let go of this older pattern, story, and narrative of who I used to be, thus allowing newer patterns to emerge in others.

And perhaps in the process allow newer patterns, newer ways of being, to emerge in myself as well.

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Vertical Development

Just Let Go!

Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat.
It’s not a goddamn seminar. 
Stop trying to control everything and just let go!
Let go!

Tyler Durden, Fight Club