The other day I woke up from a stress dream, one filled with anxiety at trying to get someplace by a certain time. I’ve had these before, at least one additional one in the last few months or so, and this one was so bad, I woke up, chuckled to myself, and said, “Geez, these dreams are killing me.”
The dream itself was trying to get to a hotel room a few blocks away by a certain time, so I could meetup with my family and we could all go to the airport and leave on a flight together.
Getting to the hotel by running a few blocks was fairly easy but when I got into the lobby, the hotel was having some charity event and it was full of people. I somehow forget my room number, so I had to line up and ask the hotel clerk what room I was staying in. He reminded me that my room number was on my room key and I laughed at myself for my forgetfulness and ran for the elevator.
When the elevator appeared, it was three quarters full with one lady bringing up a bunch of items for the charity event. Squeezing on to the elevator, I was followed by another lady with buggy, who proceeded to try to get on by ramming her buggy into my knees. I kept yelling at her to stop but she kept doing so and finally squeezed on.
Finally the elevator went up and proceeded to open at the floor above my floor because I had forgotten to push my floor number. Running out of the elevator, I turned to the stairwell doorway, only to find an under construction sign and the stairway being completely rebuilt. However, in squeezing through the wood, I was able to get on a makeshift stairwell and walked precariously down to my floor.
Doing so, I was greet by another under construction sign and a wooden wall barricading access to my floor. By this time, I’ve completely had it and completely freaked out in my dream shouting, “Are you fricken kidding me!!!” At which point, I woke up.
When reflecting upon this later in the morning and thinking about how Zen Buddhism sees life as an illusionary dream, I realized that just like how in my dreams, obstacles were popping up in front of me, blocking my way, so too it seemed that obstacles were popping up in front of me in my life and blocking me.
At the same time, I wondering if it’s because I feel like time is running out in my life and I have to rush to finish my life’s work. Yet in trying to rush and finish it, effectively running around in circles in my head, it feels like I am effectively getting nowhere fast.
All said and done, what I’m trying to say here is that, just like within my stress dream, I’m apparently The One creating the obstacles before me in my own life.
In effect, I’m running around in my head so fast, that I’m not aware of my own cognitive surroundings of knowledge already within my own head.
Again this feeling like, “The answer is out there.” But in reality, it’s not. It’s already within you. You just have to slow down and still yourself enough to become aware of it and see it.