Accepting the Being of My Potentiality & the Language It Requires

I’m tired of this.

I’m tired of continually beating myself up and asking myself, “What’s wrong with me?”

Yes, everyone probably does this everyday but let me explain the context of why I do this.

I beat myself up and wonder what’s wrong with me…when I’m able to perceive and understand something that apparently not many others can perceive and understand.

So because I can perceive something that others seem perceptually blind to, I label myself as a freak or an oddity, effectively seeing myself as an outcast.

Yet I’m tired of this.

Like last night, I started reading Richard Barrett’s book Worldview Dynamics and the Well Being of Nations.

And when I did, it felt like both returning home and returning to an exciting adventure that I’ve been on at the same time.

Like I just get “it” and “it” gets me.

And this doesn’t feel like work, it feels like play—glorious, adventurous play.

That’s it.

That’s all I wanted to say.

I’m tired of beating myself up about a potentiality of myself that makes me feel wondrously alive.

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Actually no, I think there’s more.

I think what I want is to find my “tribe.” In effect, find the same kind of people who are able to perceive what I can perceive.

And it’s not like this is impossible because I know there are many people who value Richard Barrett’s work.

So if I had to describe what I’m seeking and need, it’s to find a community of people who are fully aware of vertical development and are sharing their own journeys and perspectives of it.

I guess the other thing I want to say is this.

I realize what I’m experiencing and communicating is monumentally challenging for people to grasp but I’ve done the journey myself.

I’ve crossed the inner terrain, expanded my worldview, and have learnt the language of the people of this realm, so anyone else can.

They just have to be willing to undertake the journey.

All the knowledge is out there, freely accessible on the Web, they just have to have a desire and resonance to read it.

No matter what I say, I can’t force someone to start that journey.

They have to want to start it themselves.

But when they’re on the journey, seriously on it, and want to understand the language of these different realms, then I’d be happy to help translate and help them understand the characteristics of these stages of psychological development.

But they have to understand the basic terminology of this space first. Until they do that, I can’t help them because they won’t understand my language.

They have to want to step beyond the horizon of their current mind and explore into an unknown space.

And ya, it’s scary as hell to do but there are people doing it everyday.

All I want to do is connect these people up and help them realize that they are all on the same journey of growth and development and not alone.

That’s it.

I no longer want to try to explain who I am or what I’m seeing to anyone anymore…unless they are on the same journey and understand the basic language of it.

In doing so, I think I’ll finally just be able to accept myself as I am, instead of continually beating myself up for having a potentially beyond others.

Somehow I think this is an essential step I have to take if I want to step beyond a Self-Authoring Mind and stabilize myself with a Self-Transforming Mind.

I have to fully accept who I am at all levels of my being.