Falling Back into Oneself

In an email discussion I previously had with Richard Barrett, author of Evolutionary Coaching, he emphasized some words to me that stood out because I felt something intuitive with them, yet I couldn’t quite articulate their meaning clearly at the time.

Relax…Surrender to the soul and it will guide you.

Richard Barrett

Today, a few things jumped out at me, all at once, that reminded me of his words.

Provide Space to Listen to Yourself

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” — Dalai Lama

The first thing I was reminded of was the above quote by the Dalai Lama but specifically within the context of listening to oneself. In effect, if one is always talking about what one already knows (so as to hopefully sound like an “expert” who knows everything to others) then one isn’t leaving much space for listening to oneself and hearing something new emerging from oneself.

Thus this ability to pause and listen to oneself is critically essential for one’s growth. For me, the initial Connecting stage of social creativity encompasses this. One begins questioning things which causes one to pause and reflect about their life’s assumptions and beliefs which in turn starts a conversation with oneself which requires listening to oneself.

Weaving the Community Within

This in turn reminded of the core of social creativity as this capacity to weave a larger sense of self which begins within the Empowering stage, as different aspects of oneself start coming together and interacting with each other. A metaphor for it would be seeing yourself as a “multitude”, a community if you will, that is coming together for the first time around a common cause. In doing so, this community of you creates this feeling of greater space and freedom within you, thus in turn feeling like a larger sense of self.

I believe a similar experience of this would be holding space for oneself, where one begins to “trust their own intuition and wisdom” because one is “withholding judgement and shame” of oneself. In doing so, we begin to “feel empowered to make (our own) decisions” which is when this weaving between the silos of ourself begins to occur.

Following Self

This in turn reminded me of Dan Oestrich’s work on Following SELF. Dan believes that discovering oneself isn’t a process of “courageously stepping out into uncomfortable spaces” but rather learning to step into a deeper, comfortable space of one’s own Self.

The metaphor that best encapsulates this for me is seeing one’s Self as an expanded inner space, a wilderness. But not a wilderness of dangerous beasts but rather one where the wild unknown of you can roam freely and thus emerge safely from the darkness and shelter of the forest to roam openly on the plains, sharing your potential with the world around you.

Gravitating Towards Our Self

Actually now that I think about it, this also ties into John Hagel’s work with The Power of Pull. Rather than taking the conventional approach of trying to push our way into changing ourselves and others, often by trying to control the situation. We are letting go and letting ourselves be pulled toward our true selves.

In effect, by creating these open safe spaces both within ourselves and within our organizations, we create a vacuum which nature naturally wants to fill. In doing so, these unseen potentials, from both within ourselves and within our organizations, have the room to step forth and fill this void, finally revealing themselves in the process.

In comparison, the typical conventional approach is one where the internal space within ourselves or within our organizations is filled to capacity, constantly busy and micromanaged distractedly, allowing little to no room for anything new or potentially wondrous to emerge because of it.

A Beacon of Change

All said and done, I get the feeling that I’m trying to push things too hard by talking too much about what I already know to try to get people to notice me. This of course means that I’m not spending that time listening to myself and thus seeing and noticing my own Self. So I just need to let go more, “surrendering”, allowing more reflective space for my own True Self to emerge.

Most important of all, if I’m still interacting with others to “get people to notice me”, it means my lower stages of development (as noted in Richard Barrett’s work) are still “deficient” and “dependent” upon society. Until I can let go of being dependent upon society (in terms of conventional beliefs), not much will change with me and I won’t evolve fully (aka “level up”) to the next stage.

It’s funny. I’m reminded of a vision I had some years back. It was feeling like I was lost in the fog alone. When I heard someone else in the distance, I realized I could project a light from within myself towards them. But when I started yelling, “Hello, can you see me? I’m over here!”, my light went out. What this vision was telling me is that our “light” within us is meant to be used to light up others or light the way for others. If we try to selfishly light ourselves instead (i.e Hey, look at me, I’m great!), the light falters and dims.

Photo by Evgeni Tcherkasski

Right now, I’m trying to selfishly light up and put the spotlight on myself for my own gains. This doesn’t work and only darkens myself. I need to instead put the spotlight on others even more so which in turns lights up my life’s work in an indirect, paradoxical, zen sort of way (i.e Tao Te Ching).

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