I have been seeing a variety of very talented people around me lately that are in conflict with the world, who truly need to love and value themselves first before they can love others and contribute to the world. In seeing this though, I’m realizing that we are all on this journey but just in different stages of it.
For the most part though, I think people just want to take the shortcut and prefer someone loving them so unconditionally that they will finally start seeing the value in themselves and thus finally love themselves. But the problem is that it doesn’t work that way because by not living their true nature internally, they continually become angry and frustrated very easily and end up pushing others away from them in the process. And in a way, I was still somewhat at that point a couple of weeks ago as well.
Searching for Love
You see I was listening to a song the other day by Rihanna called Where Have You Been and when she sings “Where have you been all my life”, I couldn’t help but think that that was me talking to myself. Basically I’ve been spending my entire life looking for this person within me that I can truly love and be happy with.
Now here’s the funny thing that I just realized. Often when people look for love, they find someone but then strangely try to change them to be more like them. But you can’t do this, otherwise you risk losing the essence of that person you fell in love with in the first place.
What I find you have to do instead is try to understand that person and their differences that make them unique. When you do that, you begin to see the real depth of them and why they are the way they are.
Don’t Change
In loving ourselves, I believe it’s the same thing. Often we continually try to change ourselves to make others happy, so that we can appreciate and love ourselves. But we only end up losing our sense of self in the process, thus frustrating us and tearing ourselves apart from the inside. What we need to be truly doing instead is fully understanding ourselves, our nature, why we do the things we do.
When we do this, achieve this deeper understanding, that’s when we truly value the relationship with ourselves and begin to truly love ourselves as we are, with all of our beautiful imperfections. In a sense, it’s when we truly start working with ourselves in harmony rather than working against ourselves. So it’s not about changing yourself to be like someone else but understanding yourself so you can change your externally influenced behaviors back to more natural internal ones that are in harmony with your true nature and self.
Revealing the Beauty Beneath
For myself, the first step was years ago when I realized I wasn’t the problem but the solution. But I didn’t understand fully how I was the solution, so I began exploring and conversing with myself to figure it out. Through that personal dialogue and conversation, I’m slowly revealing who I truly am, like a sculptor chipping away pieces to reveal a beautiful sculpture that’s always laid dormant and waiting beneath the surface. It just needed the opportunity to reveal itself.
And funnily enough, just like a sculptor, the first pieces you chip off are easy. Yet as you get closer and closer to your true self, the work becomes more refined and detailed, thus taking more and more time. We can’t rush it though. We need to let it reveal itself and emerge naturally, as those final minute details create the essence and aesthetic of who we truly are, like a spirit infusing an empty vessel.