Letting The Poison Out

I believe I caught a bug this last Thursday because ever since then I’ve been feeling like crap (i.e. exhausted, minor sore throat, nauseous, slight occasional dizziness, etc). Sunday I went to bed just before 11 PM and woke up late for work yesterday at 9:20 AM (I usually start around 9 AM). Feeling like crap again, I decided to hit the bed early last night just before 10 PM. I’ve now been up almost an hour since just after midnight, tossing and turning, feeling like I’m going to throw up at any minute. Of course during this hour, thoughts have been tossing and turning around in my head as well, so I thought I’d at least get something out of me (and thus hopefully prevent the “other” from happening).

The last hour I’ve been thinking about my Exploring Squarespace site and already I’m having second thoughts about creating it. Don’t get me wrong though. One thing you have to realize about me is that I love helping people. Yet while my Exploring Squarespace site is a great outlet to let me share my knowledge of Squarespace with others, it isn’t my passion. Ever since the Katrina disaster of last year, I’ve stated that I want to start focusing on changing the world to make it a better place. For some people, this may seem like idle dreams but for me I’m dead serious about it. Actually ever since I landed up in the hospital on New Year’s Day at the start of 2003 (with stomach pains that reminded me of the Alien movies), my mortality has constantly been on my mind. Life is precious to me, mine own and others, and I’d rather not waste a single moment of it. “Don’t save time, savour it” is a little expression I’ve created to help remind me of this.

Therefore, ever since the Katrina disaster, I’ve been trying to research various ways we as a people can utilize the Web to help connect our various communities (online and off), to foster a better culture within them, and most importantly of all, to allow us in times of need to unify all of these communities together in one focused global effort (like aiding people in a large disaster situation like Katrina) by each of them working collectively on a local level. And actually when Anthony approached me to work at Squarespace, I was ecstatic because it was the perfect job situation, as I only needed to work a six hour day which would give me plenty of time to pursue my passion on the side. Or so I thought. Of course, once I started working on Squarespace, I started getting all of these ideas relating to the service and my Exploring Squarespace site is a culmination of a lot of those ideas that I’ve spent my time on. And yet even though I’m enjoying sharing this knowledge with others, at the same time I’m very upset with myself that I’ve deviated so much from my initial path that I had started on.

So what happens now? Well, I obviously want to get back on track in spending most of my free time focused on my research as I had done before. Yet I obviously don’t want to throw all of my work on my Exploring Squarespace site out the window or stop sharing this information with people either. For now, I’ll probably just let things ride and see where they take me. My primary concern though is the feedback on my Exploring Squarespace site. I feel bad about it but I honestly don’t have the time to respond to these additional queries. In effect, I can share the basic examples with people to get them going in the right direction, but people will need to help one another if they have problems figuring out how to apply the examples to their own site. As I said, for now I’ll let things go as they are but down the road, who knows, I may have to close off comments and possibly even the forums I just opened on the site as well. Or at the very least I suppose, ensure that everyone is fully aware that I’m just sharing the basic information and I can’t provide much more support than that. As I said, I feel bad about it but at the same time, I have greater goals and passions that I need to pursue in my life and they’ll need to take precedence, as my time is a precious commodity to me.