…which creates a fictitious identity and narrative. He continuously tells himself this narrative and he calls this narrative, “My life.”
Not realizing that all that is not your life at all. It’s a story in your mind. And the story becomes an identity. And the story becomes a person.
Life is a roleplaying game in which we use narrative mechanics to play the game. We create a narrative that constructs an identity that represents our “character” that we as a “player” are playing.
As an adult, through challenges that promote transformative growth, we have the opportunity to level up our level of consciousness and transform our narrative and character in turn, if we have the courage to do so.
In one of his presentations, Richard Barrett talked about how the fears one encounters are related to our needs and how while we may overcome these fears at an earlier stage in our lives, we don’t really overcome them completely. That comes at a later stage in our lives, where we have to face and overcome them completely, but the challenge to do so is monumentally greater and more complex.
This always reminds me of what happens in a role-playing game or MMORPG when undertaking a quest chain or raid dungeon, whereby earlier in it you often face monsters that seem difficult to overcome but you’re able to do so. However later, you encounter the “boss” monster and quickly realize that the previous monsters you encountered were just “minions”. That’s because this “boss” monster is massively challenging and extremely difficult to overcome because of its cunning and complexity.
I feel like I’m at this point in my life where I’m trying to completely let go of this fear that is embodied as this “boss” monster. And this fear is the primary obstacle that is standing in the way of me freely expressing my life’s work.
So what is this fear?
If I could relate it to anything, I would say it relates to a need for belonging which is a basic psychological need, initially acquired as one of the many basic values we cherish in the earlier part of our lives.
However, as one traverses through one’s life, these values transform, as the context of one’s worldview transforms as one’s expands it.
Initially, as a Socialized Mind, belonging is about fitting in and surviving within society as a whole. Within the role-playing game called Life, this is embodied as The Walled City. So similar to a starting city like Stormwind in World of Warcraft.
This city embodied as society offers safety through inclusion but this inclusion is often determined by others assuming you will follow the expectations of society. If you don’t follow these societal expectations though then often you will be cast out and become an “outcast.”
In this way, earlier stages often use belonging as a weapon of coercion. Don’t follow societal expectations and you will be cast out, like Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. So not following society’s expectations is effectively seen as a sin.
However, as one develops, one actually becomes tired of following societal expectations because one eventually realizes they are not truths but just societal constructs that have been made up. And often, these constructs no longer feel like they’re working for the individual, for one reason or another, often due to life challenges that reveal the fallacy of them.
Thus the individual actually decides to consciously and intentionally walk out of The Walled City of society because they are seeking a better way of living. So they feel like they need something more, thus they seek greater values with which to live by. This Self-Authoring Mind is embodied as stepping into The Borderlands within the role-playing game called Life.
In the process though, belonging is transformed as well. No longer does one have to follow the expectations of society, one can choose one’s own community based upon one’s own internal value system rather than the external value system of society alone.
This obviously provides much more autonomy for the individual but there can still be conflicts if their authored sense of self doesn’t fully align with others in these differing communities.
An example of this was my joy at finding communities on Google Plus years back, whereby the people within them felt like disrupters of society, outcasts who were pioneering a new way of being beyond society’s limited expectations. However, what quickly became apparent to me is that I was disrupting the disruptors within these communities, thus I was feeling like an outcast among the outcasts.
This is where the next leap for the individual takes one to embracing a Self-Transforming Mind which again transforms the meaning of belonging for them. And this is the very leap that I’m stuck within like a maze because the complexity of it is difficult to face and overcome, due to the fear related to it.
The reason for this is because I still feel like I need the validation and approval of others to continue on my journey and to fully express myself.
Yet the irony of this would be similar to a person wanting to step outside of society’s expectations to attain a Self-Authoring Mind and thus asking for society’s approval and validation to do so from Socialized Minds.
It’s just not going to happen.
That’s because each mindset has its own limitations and can’t see beyond them because stepping beyond them seems absurd to their current beliefs, as it would be like stepping off the edge of the world. They would think you’re crazy to try to do so, as “there by dragons there” that will slay you. Not literally of course. I’m talking about our fears.
And this is why fears as monsters within the role-playing game called Life are not so much there to stop you, as they are there as signposts to tell you that you are reaching the limits of your worldview and beliefs.
So you better damn well be sure you want to step further beyond them, similar to what Atreyu did stepping beyond the Sphinx guardian sentinels within the movie The Neverending Story.
And more often than not, the courage to step forward is often created by the courage to let go of the old world behind oneself. In effect, you won’t be able to fully step forward until you are completely ready to let go of the old worldview and mindset you’ve been living within because it’s no longer empowering for you but rather is draining and soul sucking instead.
In other words, the patterns of your old mindsets are no longer empowering because you see them for what they are, thus they feel lifeless and evidently repetitive in nature, like having to follow a script that you’ve been roleplaying for so long that the role feels hollow and empty.
This is what it feels like when the role-playing game called Life begins to feel like a grind.
In effect, you’ve stayed in the same zone and territory for so long, doing the same quests and slaying the same monsters you’re no longer afraid of, that you’re barely getting any experience points at all because there’s nothing left to learn from the experiences there.
So life is actually giving you a “call to adventure” by telling you that there are greater adventures ahead of you but only if you’re willing to play a larger game beyond the one you’re playing now.
And this is why starting a new level isn’t epic and climatic, as most people would assume, but instead it feels like you’re stuck.
It’s because you’re having to start all over and figure out the new game at this new level with an open and curious beginner’s mind.
So what is this new game at my level? And how does it transform ones sense of belonging?
The paradox that one has to step into at this level has nothing to do with participating with a certain group of people, be it with society or those who have stepped beyond it.
It has to do with participating with life as a whole.
In effect, it’s the realization that life has a greater role for you to play.
So as the saying goes, it’s realizing that life isn’t happening to you, it’s happening through you, regardless of how mysterious and uncomprehending it may be in the moment.
Yet to fully participate in life at this larger role requires the individual to fully participate with oneself as a whole.
This is what Maya Angelou and Brené Brown describe as true belonging.
So it’s completely letting go of needing validation and acceptance of others to continue your journey and instead validating and accepting yourself, fully and completely, as you are right now.
Again not some vision of who you want to become but who you are already being right now.
Yet a being that doesn’t need validation and acceptance from others to step forward, nor to even exist.
Again this has been my greatest challenge.
But again, the more I go through the repetition of this experience, that being needing the validation and acceptance of others, the more it feels like a grind that is becoming exhausting to me. Thus the greater the need to let it go.
Actually now that I’ve turned 60, another reason for letting go of it and fully embracing myself has arisen in relation to this.
I don’t want anyone else defining who I am upon my death because most people often misinterpret and misunderstand a person’s life from the outside. Or perhaps more appropriately, they want to define the person by how they perceived them or wished they were, rather than how they truly were.
For example, I’ve had some family members say that they are glad I’m not gaming anymore, yet most of my growth and development has occurred because of gaming. Not just the growth and development that allowed me to have leadership capabilities in the work world but also the ability to understand life ontologically by using roleplaying game metaphors to do so.
So if they can’t accept my gaming background (just as many professional change agents could’t seem to accept it when I was on Google Plus) then they can’t accept me as I am because my gaming background made me who I am today and is a part of my story.
Again, this is about me reaching a point where I take a stand and plant a flag in the ground, accepting myself fully as I am and owning my own story.
And what this allows me to do is to be at home wherever I am.
Because I am no longer using external waypoints to define where my home is. I’m using internal waypoints instead.
All said and done, this is the leap I have to take. And it becomes more and more clearer each day.
The question is what action will I take to undertake this leap?
What action will clearly show that I’m taking a stand and planting a flag in the ground within a new territory, declaring and accepting myself as being nobody-but-myself?
And above all else this is what a Self-Transforming Mind embodies within the roleplaying game called Life.
It is the ability to not just live within The Great Wilderness.
It is about becoming The Great Wilderness.
In connecting and participating with life fully, one no longer fits within any one group, yet at the same time one feels connected to many.
This is the difference between one feeling despair from loneliness versus the empowering presence of solitude.
In effect, one may be surrounded by people, yet feel completely alone because they’re aren’t fully seen and understood.
Yet one can also be completely alone, yet feel completely connected to everything and everyone in life because they are fully accepting and validating themselves.
The first sign that you’re beginning a creative “leveling up” process in life is often not what people expect. It’s not an epic moment of clarity but a confusing, slowly emerging sense of stuckness, of having stepped off the edge of your world and no longer knowing which end is up.
Grasping the idea that life is a role-playing game is not something trivial.
It requires a deep, meaningful understanding of the future of work, creativity, and vertical development, as well as how Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey serves as a foundational primer that unlocks and integrates these domains.
Once one sees how these elements function as scaffolded dimensions of a larger framework, the concept of life as a role-playing game may appear trivial upon reflection. That said though, explaining the scaffolding layer by layer is anything but trivial because it requires grounded experience in these domains to truly understand it as a whole.
Growth and development is like exploring newer terrains of possibilities within your inner world. So as you expand your inner view of the world, the possibilities of your outer world expand in turn. In this way, growth and development is like gaining a new vantage point of life, broadening your context and understanding of it.
A treetop sanctuary within the wilderness (via Ideogram).
As I continue to import some of my older posts from 2023 (which got missed due to not doing a proper backup of WordPress before), something is dawning on me as I go through the process of reflecting upon my older posts.
Normally in my day to day life, I continually seem to be focused on where I want to go with my work, so I’m forward looking. However, as I browse new articles, papers, or books I come across, I may find things that resonate with my work. Some may reinforce patterned aspects of it that I’m already perceiving, while others may help me step further beyond the edge of what I can currently perceive and articulate.
However, normally at some point in my day, which may have been felt very productive and fruitful up until that point in time, I reach a state where I often feel lost and without value. In effect, it’s like I almost forget everything that I’ve achieved in terms of my exploration, research, and articulation of things up until now. But what I think it is is a Self-Authoring (productivity) mindset that wants to just keep going forward indefinitely and when it reaches a daily point where it can’t go forward anymore, it feels unproductive and thus without value in turn.
Yet in reflecting upon my past posts that I’m importing, what dawned on me is how essential and important it is that I reflect back and see how far I’ve already come on my journey.
If I could explain it a different way, it would be this.
Everyday when I wake up, it’s like I’m stepping out beyond the edge of my “self” and exploring a new frontier of being.
But then at some point, even though I’ve made amazing progress and growth, I feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere because I’m still looking forwards out in the unknown at the edge of my being.
Yet when I reach this point, I need to immediately turn around and reflect backwards to see how far I’m come in knowing my Self in a much larger way.
In effect, what this final part feels like, especially if I do it near the end of the day, is like I’m returning back home to my sanctuary within the wilderness from my daily explorations.
So I think that’s what I need to remember each day.
I need to see it as a journey of outwards exploration of stepping beyond the frontiers of my being AND a returning to the sanctuary of my Self at the end of the day, so as to recognize the amazing progress I’ve made on my journey so far.
Why this is critically important though is because when I’m not doing my work, I need to feel like I can relax and feel like what I’ve done with my life so far is enough.
I think this ties into something I believe Brené Brown repeats to herself daily as a sort of mantra, “I am enough.”
So it’s just this ability to sit with yourself in silence and feel like you are a worthy human being of value, regardless of what anyone else may think or believe.
People often say there’s no end to growth because you never arrive at absolute certainty.
But what if the very thing you’re struggling with—your need for certainty—isn’t the obstacle at all, but the pressure that pushes you to grow?
Certainty begins as something essential. It stabilizes you, gives you direction, and helps you make sense of the world.
Eventually, that same certainty becomes too narrow to contain the complexity of the life you’re living.
That tension is the constraint.
And that’s where development happens. The pressure isn’t telling you to abandon certainty—it’s exposing the limits of the kind of certainty you’ve been relying on.
You leverage the constraint by letting the meaning of certainty shift from something you get from the outside—fixed beliefs, fixed identities, fixed maps—to something that comes from the inside: your ability to stay grounded, adaptive, and present even when things change.
That’s how certainty appears within uncertainty: not as knowing what will happen, but as knowing you can respond to whatever arises.
This what it means to be an adventurer of life.
And this is what the adventure of your life is all about.
A true adventurer:
Doesn’t rely on stable terrain.
Doesn’t rely on a stable self-image.
Doesn’t even rely on a stable sense of “capacity.”
Does rely on something more fluid: ongoing responsiveness.
They move because movement itself is the grounding.
So the adventurer isn’t someone who has figured out the map; they’ve stopped relying on one entirely. Navigating without fixed bearings, they move with ease and curiosity. The ‘not knowing’ isn’t fear—it’s openness; the ‘not lost’ isn’t certainty—it’s a felt trustin responding to whatever arises.
Lost? No. I don’t know where I am, but I’m not lost.
Emile Khadaji, The Man Who Never Missed
This reframes growth entirely: it isn’t about acquiring skills or knowledge to reach a fixed endpoint, but about cultivating the capacity to exist and act within the unknown. Certainty isn’t the goal—it is surrendered. In its place emerges a dynamic, lived awareness that allows the adventurer to navigate life’s hidden levels without being confined by the need for fixed answers.
This is the paradox at the heart of it. In the latter stages of life, the adventurer has “reached the end” not by arriving somewhere, but by fully embracing the fact that there is no final destination. They are no longer chasing certainty or completion; they are oriented in the process itself.
It’s a kind of mastery that isn’t mastery of outcomes—it’s mastery of presence, responsiveness, and engagement. They move through life knowing that every ending is provisional, every answer temporary, yet they are fully anchored in the act of navigating, of participating, of being alive in the unknown.
So one realizes that the journey is never-ending, but the sense of arrival comes from shifting the lens. Arrival isn’t about reaching a fixed point; it’s the experiential recognition that you are already where you need to be in the midst of the journey.
This is how one can be certain in the face of life’s uncertainty.
So your certainty isn’t about fixed outcomes, rules, or destinations—it’s a certainty of orientation. You’ve experienced the process of letting go of the need for certainty, and that lived understanding gives you confidence in the perspective itself.
It’s a meta-certainty: you know how uncertainty functions as the engine of growth, how surrendering the old anchors reveals a deeper, flexible grounding. You can speak with assurance about this perspective because it isn’t an abstract idea—it’s something you’ve embodied through experience.
Do you see the elegance of this paradox?
You become certain about uncertainty, confident without clinging, anchored without relying on fixed points.
That’s the signature of the adventurer mindset: you move through life grounded, not in fixed answers or maps, but in the embodied trust that you can navigate whatever emerges.
It’s paradoxical but precise—certainty isn’t about controlling the world; it’s about knowing you can respond to it.
And this is where life becomes a game—not in the sense of triviality, but in the deepest, most transformative sense. Just like in an MMORPG, the adventurer isn’t afraid to explore the unknown because the unknown is where growth, discovery, and wonder happen. Every challenge, every uncharted path, every encounter is part of the unfolding story.
Play, at this level, isn’t escape. It’s the art of engaging fully with the unknown, of experimenting, testing, learning, and responding—all while remaining fully present. Life itself becomes the adventure, and the adventurer moves not out of obligation or fear, but out of curiosity, joy, and the thrill of discovery.
This is why people are drawn to games like World of Warcraft or other MMORPGs: they offer a safe space to practice navigating uncertainty, to explore new terrains, to take risks and fail, to recover, and to grow—all in a way that feels alive, meaningful, and playful. The same principles apply to life: by embracing uncertainty and letting go of the need for fixed outcomes, we unlock the possibility of living fully, creatively, and adventurously.
In this way, life is the ultimate, epic role-playing game—and you are both player and terrain, explorer and map, navigating the endless quest of your own becoming.
Becoming your true self is about embracing who you truly are versus what society expects you to be.
Unfortunately in growing up, most of us were taught to follow the expectations placed upon us by others, so as to fit in and survive.
So the real work in being yourself is stepping out beyond these expectations that many of us have become addicted to and discovering who you truly are, so that you can thrive.
Yes it can feel like being lost and alone in an unknown wilderness at first but eventually in time you will discover and find wondrous vistas within this wilderness, awaiting deep within you, within your wild heart.
Transforming yourself isn’t a weekend retreat or a neat step by step plan. It feels like mapping an unfamiliar landscape shrouded in shifting fog. You move forward, backtrack, and revisit areas you thought you had already explored. Each pass reveals features you missed before, not because the terrain is changing but because your perspective and the fog keep shifting. The repeated passes aren’t mistakes. They are how understanding slowly emerges.
