NOLLIND
This sounds similar to the experiences I’m encountering in expressing my life’s work.
When I try to structure it and plan it out, even write it out, linearly, I feel frustrated. But when I just write what I feel, without any order or structure, just as a moment, it feels like it creates a deeper connection to something (for me at least) without their being any order or structure to it.
Again this works for me but most others probably won’t grasp it. I usually would share these “meanderings” publicly though still.
Is what I just describe similar to what you’re talking about?
CHATGPT
What you’re describing is the same dynamic—but the important part isn’t the feeling of “meandering.” It’s something more structural and more consequential.
Let me challenge the assumption underneath your worry that “others won’t grasp it.”
1. The Emergent Mode Isn’t Meandering—It’s How the Deeper Architecture Organizes Itself.
When you drop linearity, you’re not being sloppy. You’re shifting from content-production (Self‑Authoring) to pattern‑sensing (Self‑Transforming).
In this mode:
- You write from a live edge rather than a plan.
- You follow coherence instead of order.
- You capture movement, not structure.
This is how the “engine” reorganizes your character sheet.
Trying to force a blueprint at this stage is like designing a house while the ground is still moving.
2. The Frustration You Feel With Structure Is Diagnostic, Not a Flaw.
It tells you:
- your identity is trying to reorganize,
- but your mind keeps defaulting to an earlier stage’s production habits.
You’re not failing at structure; you’re outgrowing a form of structure.
3. Sharing Publicly Isn’t the Problem—Expectations Are.
From what you’ve described earlier:
- You aren’t harmed by sharing.
- You’re harmed by assuming the audience should “get it” right now or that their lack of understanding means something about the value of the emergence.
If you treat these emergent expressions as finished artifacts, then yes—people will be confused.
If you treat them as field notes from the frontier, they become invitations rather than explanations.
People don’t need to grasp the whole to feel the authenticity of the moment.
4. The Deeper Issue: You’re Conflating Two Different Kinds of Communication.
There’s a major developmental distinction here:
- Emergent communication (from your edge):
Serves you—helps reorganize your inner architecture. - Integrative communication (after reorganization):
Serves others—creates coherent entry points for them.
You keep trying to make emergent communication also serve integrative purposes. That’s where the suffering comes from.
Trying to write for your future audience while your present self is still reorganizing is like trying to publish a map while the terrain is still forming.
5. So Yes—What You Describe Is What I Meant. But…
The mistake is not in writing emergently.
The mistake is assuming emergent writing should be graspable.
You cannot use the same piece of writing to both:
- reorganize your own identity, and
- onboard others to a developmental metaphor.
Those are fundamentally different modes.