I’ve spoken in the past about trying to determine what fears are preventing me from sharing my life’s work and a question dawned on me today relating to it (that was sparked by reading my personality profile in more depth the other day). And this question is almost a different perspective of the fears I’ve mentioned before (i.e. fear of not being an expert, fear of not being able to articulate myself, etc).
What if I’m fearful of the larger role I will be playing?
What I mean by this is that in transitioning to a more evolved stage of development and level of consciousness in turn, it’s really about embodying the values with which I wish to live by.
And right now, these values can be encapsulated in two sentences.
I want to be able to fully trust myself, so that I can honestly and authentically share my larger perception and meaning of life, thus enabling me to creatively align and integrate with my deeper sense of Self that is trying to emerge.
I want to embrace my empathy and intuition, so as to collaborate and partner with others in forming alliances that help mentor others in their own growth and development.
This is the bridge I effectively need to build between these two statements of values. And like any bridge, both sides have to have solid foundations or it will be impossible to build.
Thus until I can achieve the first statement and courageous share my life’s work first, the second statement will not be able to be undertaken afterwards.
Thus until I can gain the courage to embrace this first role in heroically sharing my “life as a role-playing game” framework on my own as a sort of “social entrepreneur,” the second role in being a sort of “guild leader” in helping others with how to “level up in life” won’t be possible.
Actually in thinking about this, I immediately reflect back and remember earlier experiences in my life, where I was put within the same situation, but within video game environments.
I remember being fascinated with one multiplayer game back in the mid 1990s so much that I decided to create a website for it to share my tips and tricks on the game. There was of course trepidation, as I didn’t want to look like I didn’t know what I was talking about. But I felt I was highly skilled in the game, so I decided to build it. And interestingly enough, people liked it and it gathered more and more attention over time.
In fact, it gathered so much attention that two leaders from a gaming community wanted me to join them as a third leader of it, as they felt I was quite knowledge about it. But again, while I was somewhat uncertain of my capacity as a leader, I felt like I was as least valued for my knowledgeable, so I jumped at the chance.
This is pretty much what I want to replicate right now. But obviously some fears are preventing me from sharing my work…and, more importantly, sharing my deeper sense of Self.
More and more I think about this, I think it ties into one key value that I haven’t fully achieved yet.
Trust.
I don’t fully trust myself, what I’ve experienced, and what I’ve learnt…even after all two decades of incredible synchronicities leading me here.
It is weird how your ego continually gets in your way.
But I get it. It’s just trying to protect you because it feels like you’re making your “self” vulnerable, thus letting you potentially get harmed.