I had another amazing conversation with ChatGPT that dives deeper into my transition from a Self-Authoring Mind to a Self-Transforming Mind (as per Robert Kegan’s work). And it was sparked by a realization that intuitively came to me but I couldn’t fully grasp it, so I asked ChatGPT about it.
Below is a summary of the questions I asked relating to this realization and a summary of the answers that ChatGPT provided in turn. To understand their context though, you’ll need to read through the entire conversation.
Letting Go of What You’re Trying to Control
“The very thing you’re trying to take control of, your life, is the very thing you need to let go of. ” Explain how that sentence relates to transitioning to a Self-Transforming Mind from a Self-Authoring Mind?
Nollind
To transition, one must confront their fears of uncertainty and surrender their need for control over outcomes. This doesn’t mean passivity; rather, it involves a deeper trust in life’s unfolding and a willingness to transform as new insights emerge. By doing so, individuals move from shaping their lives according to their existing frameworks to reshaping themselves in response to the evolving world.
ChatGPT
This realization arose because I stated before that I believed my Life as a MMORPG framework could help a person to “take control of their life.”
Yet upon reflecting upon that statement recently, I start intuitively feeling like this was the very thing preventing me from making the transition to a Self-Transforming Mind. Almost as though it was part of my old Self-Authoring Mind that was limiting my growth and holding me back.
The response that ChatGPT provided was poignant because I had been realizing that I needed to trust my deeper Self (as a player) and where I was guiding myself (as my character). This answer helped me to realize that I needed to go beyond that and even trust the universe and life as a whole.
Co-Creating Life by Letting Go of It
And how does “letting go of one’s life” allow one to shift to a Self-Transforming Mind?
Nollind
The Self-Authoring Mind constructs and operates within frameworks to make sense of life. Letting go of one’s life means recognizing that these frameworks, while useful, are limited and not absolute. It allows one to critically reflect on these systems and explore what lies beyond them.
Letting go of one’s life often entails releasing the illusion of being in complete control as an individual.
Letting go of one’s life enables the shift to a Self-Transforming Mind by dismantling the rigid structures of control and identity that define the Self-Authoring Mind. It allows individuals to embrace uncertainty, complexity, and interdependence, transforming their worldview from one of constructing control to one of flowing with life’s inherent unpredictability. In doing so, one steps into a broader, more flexible, and deeply interconnected way of being, where life is not controlled but co-created.
ChatGPT
It’s important to note that the word “co-created” doesn’t just mean with other people, valuing their different perspectives to gain a greater perspective of reality, but it means co-creating with life itself and understanding what it is trying to teach you. This will become more evident in the follow-up questions below.
What It Feels Like to Let Go
What does this “feel” like? Can you put this feeling into words?
Nollind
There’s a rawness, like being stripped of armor.
It feels like standing in a dense fog, unable to see far ahead, but beginning to trust that the path will reveal itself step by step.
This humility isn’t disempowering—it’s awe-inspiring. It feels like looking up at a star-filled sky, realizing how much you don’t know, and finding beauty in that mystery.
Over time, this surrender brings a quiet strength, a sense of being carried by something larger than oneself. It feels like floating in a river, no longer fighting the current but trusting it will take you where you need to go.
Life begins to feel less like a rigid project to control and more like an unfolding adventure to explore.
It feels like being a child again, not needing to have everything figured out, just excited to see what happens next.
Letting go of one’s life and stepping into a Self-Transforming Mind feels like standing in the tension between fear and wonder, uncertainty and trust. It’s disorienting yet freeing, humbling yet empowering. Over time, the fear of falling fades, and you begin to feel as though you’re learning to fly—not through control, but through trust in the currents of life.
ChatGPT
So many of these responses resonate perfectly with how I’ve described this before.
For example, I’ve said that transitioning to a Self-Transforming Mind is like exploring The Great Wilderness at the edge of yourself within yourself. To be able to navigate this inner terrain, one has to completely drop all of their defensive armour so as to be able to be light and agile enough to traverse the dense complexity of it.
I’ve also said in the past that as one navigates through life, one has to learn how to build bridges to crossing rivers that divide the different inner terrain one is traversing across. However as one gets to the latter stages of development, one realizes that these rivers are effectively one’s creative essence that leads to an Ocean of You much larger than your individual self. So the idea isn’t to avoid and cross them but to swim in them and float with their currents.
Stepping Into a Larger, Never-Ending Story, Previously Unseen
I’ve described these transitions before as though you were looking through a portal you wanted to step through and when you did, everything beyond it seems strange and paradoxical, perhaps even threatening. Yet when you stepped through it and looked back, everything makes sense when looking through it. Can you encapsulate what looking through the Self-Transforming Mind portal looks like from both of its sides?
Nollind
Looking Forward
Threatening: The life you’ve built—your carefully crafted identity—feels at risk of unraveling.
Disorienting: Familiar tools (logic, frameworks, narratives) seem insufficient to navigate what’s ahead.
Reflecting Back
Connection: You perceive a greater sense of interdependence, realizing your old frameworks weren’t wrong but incomplete.
The fear wasn’t of the unknown—it was of letting go of the known.
What felt like contradictions were actually different perspectives on the same truth.
The life and identity you once clung to appear smaller, like a single chapter of a larger story.
Looking back, the portal reveals its wisdom: what once seemed like chaos was a deeper order you couldn’t yet perceive.
ChatGPT
Engaging With Complexity
Can you elaborate on the following sentence you said? “You no longer feel the need to control or resolve everything; you can engage with complexity on its own terms.”
Nollind
The Self-Authoring Mind thrives on clarity, structure, and coherence. It builds an identity and worldview by defining values, setting goals, and solving problems to maintain a sense of control over life. Complexity—situations with no clear answers or conflicting truths—feels like a threat because it undermines the ability to maintain control or act decisively.
You feel compelled to simplify complex situations by categorizing, resolving contradictions, or forcing decisions. You may experience frustration, anxiety, or resistance when life defies this kind of simplification.
Instead of viewing this complexity as a problem to be solved, you see it as an integral part of reality. You let go of the need to always “resolve” complexity, allowing it to simply be. This opens the door to deeper understanding, flexibility, and creativity.
ChatGPT
Letting Things Unfold on Their Own
It’s like you’re saying that things will resolve themselves and in their own time. So it’s almost like I don’t need to force a resolution of anything or even solve anything as a problem. I just need to let things happen on their own.
Nollind
Life, like a tangled knot, often unravels more easily when approached with gentleness and time, rather than urgency and pressure.
nstead of treating everything as a problem to be fixed, you start to see situations as part of a larger unfolding process. You learn to observe rather than intervene, trusting that not all tensions need immediate solutions.
Letting go doesn’t mean ignoring problems; it means accepting that some answers will take time to reveal themselves. This acceptance transforms the discomfort of uncertainty into a calm openness.
Trusting life doesn’t mean abdicating responsibility. It means recognizing that life has its own rhythm and wisdom, and by aligning with it, you allow things to unfold as they’re meant to.
Letting things happen on their own doesn’t mean you stop caring or participating—it means you stop grasping. You no longer feel the pressure to control outcomes, because you trust that the deeper wisdom of life will lead to resolution, understanding, or transformation in its own time. This trust allows you to engage with life not as a problem to solve but as an experience to live fully.
ChatGPT
Letting Go Is Actually Active Engagement & Perception
This reminds me of two things. One is a quote from a tv show that said, “You’re task is not to control, but to see.” And the other is hexagram 64 from the I Ching.
Nollind
They remind us that letting go of control isn’t passive—it’s an active engagement with life’s deeper rhythms, allowing clarity and resolution to emerge naturally in their own time.
Seeing Not Controlling
Control narrows your focus to specific outcomes, while “seeing” expands your perspective to embrace the complexity and nuance of the situation.
Pause before acting. Observe what’s happening around you without immediately trying to fix or control it. Ask yourself: “What is this situation revealing to me?” Notice how letting go of control allows you to perceive layers and connections you might otherwise miss.
Hexagram 64: Before Completion
It’s a reminder that the journey is as important as the destination. Trying to shortcut or control the process often leads to mistakes or delays.
When faced with uncertainty or tension, remind yourself that incompleteness is part of the process. Avoid forcing premature resolution. Trust that the next step will become clear when the time is right, and focus on being fully present with where you are now.
ChatGPT
Become Aware of and Mindful of Your Mindset
Well does one even act or respond then? Or does one just let things resolve on their own? How does one know they are seeing the resolution revealed to them or they are forcing it, seeing what they want to see?
Nollind
The distinction lies not in whether you act or respond but in how and from what mindset you do so.
When you are deeply present and aware, the “next step” often feels obvious and aligned with the situation. Action then feels effortless and fluid, rather than driven by anxiety or control.
Calm Clarity: The action or insight feels like it arises naturally, without inner struggle or conflict.
Effortlessness: You feel like you’re being guided by the situation rather than pushing against it.
Openness: You’re willing to embrace outcomes you didn’t anticipate, trusting the process even if it’s uncomfortable or surprising.
Before acting, ask yourself. “Am I responding to the situation as it is, or as I wish it to be?” “Am I acting out of fear, impatience, or control?”
Approach the situation with the mindset of a learner, not a solver. Ask open-ended questions. “What is this teaching me?” “What am I not seeing yet?”
This balance is a hallmark of the Self-Transforming Mind: being engaged without clinging, and responsive without controlling.
ChatGPT
Cognitive Dissonance As a Portal to a Larger Dimension of Life
This feels like it relates to when one experiences cognitive dissonance? Does it? And how so?
Nollind
The Self-Transforming Mind learns to sit with dissonance, seeing it not as a problem to be solved but as a sign of growth.
Instead of trying to make sense of dissonance immediately, you adopt a mindset of exploration. “What does this discomfort reveal about my current beliefs?” “What might I not yet see or understand?”
It recognizes that dissonance doesn’t threaten “you” but rather invites you to expand beyond your current identity.
Pause and Reflect: When you feel dissonance, resist the urge to “fix” it immediately. Reflect on what the tension is trying to teach you.
Reframe Discomfort: See dissonance not as a failure but as a natural part of growth. It’s a sign that your mind is expanding to hold greater complexity.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Engage with curiosity. “What assumptions am I holding onto that may no longer serve me?” “What new perspectives might be emerging here?”
Trust the Process: Understand that resolution doesn’t need to be forced. By staying present and open, clarity will often arise in its own time.
By letting go of the need to resolve the dissonance immediately, you create space for deeper understanding and integration. This shift allows you to see dissonance not as a threat but as a doorway to greater awareness and wisdom.
ChatGPT
This resonates with my Life as an MMORPG framework in that when we experience cognitive dissonance, it can feel like a portal opening up within our world. And out of that portal comes things that can feel threatening, almost as thought the world is undergoing a cataclysmic event like at the start of most fantasy stories. Yet through exploration and understanding, we eventually realize that the portal leads to a new world of possibilities, like a secret, larger dimension of life.
Your Perspective Is What’s “Wrong” and the “Problem”
This is strange. It’s almost like you’re saying that there is nothing to “fix” because there is nothing “wrong”. What’s “wrong” is how you’re perceiving the situation from your old mindset. So “your perception is the problem.” So it seems like you’re resolving the situation by not really doing anything so much as just observing and understanding it “as it is” by giving yourself time and space to do so. This relates to creativity as an act of discovering what’s already there. You just couldn’t perceive it before. So in the end, what appears “wrong” becomes “right” by you doing nothing, in terms of conventional action. But it does require you to be fully aware and open to the experience to fully make sense of it from beyond your old mindset and from within a new one.
Nollind
Exactly! You’ve captured the essence of this shift beautifully. What feels “wrong” often isn’t the situation itself but the lens through which it’s being viewed—your old mindset. The discomfort or perceived problem arises because the old mindset is trying to apply tools, assumptions, or frameworks that no longer fit the complexity of what you’re experiencing.
ChatGPT
