In writing my last post, there’s something that popped into my mind at the end of it that I need to write down before I forget it because it’s fundamental to my journey, the paradoxical feeling and experience of it as a whole.
Initially this feeling is one of loneliness.
Why? Because you’re stepping beyond the limited boundaries of the conventional known world of what people believe being a human being means and exploring new ways of being.
So it feels like the threads of your being are disconnecting from the social fabric of society at first.
But this is only because you need to let go of the limiting beliefs that are bounding you and caging you to this conventional space.
Once you step beyond the horizon of your mind and begin exploring a whole new way of being (along with a whole new worldview), you begin to have feelings and experiences of freedom and liberation which feel rapturous.
But while having those feelings, you will continually flip back to feelings of loneliness, as having stepped beyond the conventional boundaries of a societal mindset (which Robert Kegan calls a Socialized Mind).
So you will be riding this rollercoaster of emotions and feelings both of being lonely but also of a profound sense of solitude and connection with something much larger than yourself.
This is you having both a deeper, intrapersonal journey with yourself by exploring the depths of yourself but also have a broader journey with the life as a whole.
That’s because both are entwined. In effect, you can’t transform the way you perceive the world until you can transform the way you perceive your “self.”
The key point I’m trying to make here is this.
You will initially feel like you are detaching and distancing yourself from society (and even those friends and family you love) but what’s really happening is that you are connecting and integrating with something much larger within you and around you that was previously invisible to you.
The best way I can describe this is as this.
It will feel like you are stepping beyond the walls of society as a city and into the borderlands around it to begin to discover yourself. These courageous forays will help you to realize who you truly are rather than what society expects you to be.
And when you have become comfortable with the solitude of the road and the rhythmic, natural way of its being it provides you, you will be ready for the wilderness which lies beyond the borderlands.
It is within this wilderness that you will discover your wild heart, allowing you to shed your bulky armour and walk freely without fear within the nature that lies there. Because that nature is also your nature unbounded.
It is something much larger than most of us can conventionally conceive but with which lies dormant and hidden at the very core of each of us, a boundless potential.
You are not leaving behind something so much as you are embracing something much larger than you can possibly imagine. Something that helps you see yourself, others, the world, and the universe as all part of a larger whole.
This is the paradox of the journey.